If you are a mom new or seasoned you probably have asked your self this question several times. Sleep deprivation is killer and I am knee deep in it at the moment. Don't get me wrong she had good nights at times, but regresses as well.
This post is going to be about our journey so far with sleep and a new baby that past 4.5 months, some sleep training resources I received, what has helped us and how I believe parents sleep will be affected their entire lives after having children.
First of all, as we have all heard, newborns don't usually sleep well causing most new parents to experience a huge lack of sleep in the beginning of new parenthood. Sometimes it is because they are up on their own to eat frequently and others, like in our case, they sleep better but you have to be sure to wake them so they feed enough to gain weight as their pediatricians recommend (either because they lost some shortly after birth or just need to gain for health reasons).
Our journey has been interesting to say the least and filled with ups and downs in regards to sleep. We have had nights with no sleep and nights with 8 hours of sleep (thank you Jesus!).
Our Sleep Adventures So Far and Why They Are This Way
When we were in the hospital, when she was first born, I didn't sleep. They made sure I was feeding her every three hours on the dot. In turn this meant waking me and her at night every three hours to nurse and for pain meds for me. I exclusively breastfed Kelia for the first three weeks of her life. During this time she needed to gain almost a pound and a half per her doctor to make sure she got back to her birth weight. (She left the hospital weighing 5lbs 15oz and was born weighing 6lbs 10oz). Sleep during these few weeks was a little rough. She would sleep 3-4 hours at a time at night if I let her and twice accidently slept 6 hours, but I normally would wake her every 3 hours as recommended to nurse and this caused both of us some stress. I gave it my best shot I could while nursing her and I really tried to overcome the challenges and make it work, but we just couldn't do it. It was not only the normal slightly difficult adjustment period to parenthood, but for us instead of getting easier nursing ended up being too frustrating and hard because I had one inverted and one flat nipple so latching was near impossible even with a nipple shield. Not only that I developed mastitis and Kelia had intestinal issues from not getting enough milk due to latching issues so we had to switch to formula feeding her. I miss the closeness and bond it had, but I am happy she and I are both happy and healthy. I am also lucky she takes to pretty much any bottle and loves her formula!
So once we introduced formula she was sleeping more consistent longer stretches anywhere from 4-5hours. She was gaining weight better and normally and her stomach was better too. However, she was on a special formula for her stomach and at 2 months her doctor suggested switching it to a regular every day formula of our choice. Soy cause her to scream bloody murder after each bottle and all night so we had no sleep for a few days. We finally settled on Gentlease and within a few days she was happy again, but sleep was all over the place. At 2.5 months old we decided to start a nighttime routine and we would bathe her, give her a bottle, swaddle her and put her to sleep.
{Side note: Swaddling saved us the first 3.5 months of her life. We used the two types of swaddles below until she could roll over and only stopped for safety precautions. Sleep sacks have also worked well for us!}
In the beginning I didn't know how to "sleep train" and thought the later to bed, later she would sleep. In hindsight not smart but it worked for us so we would put her down 9-9:30pm and she would talk up around 5-5:30am. At 4 months she had the dreaded 4 month sleep regression you hear about and in desperation I turned to my mommy Facebook group and found out she should be going to bed earlier and having a few regular naps daily (she was only napping in the car or in her bouncer or swing during the day at this point). Ever since I learned this she was been on a schedule with 2-3 significant naps a day and goes down between 7-7:30pm. She is up between 4-5am and sometimes gets up for a bottle once and either way we change her when she does get up in the morning, feed her, and lay her with us and we all sleep a little longer before we get up for the day.
Sleep Training Programs
Now, I obviously don't follow a schedule to a T or anything, but I use two very helpful sleep training programs as inspiration that I was sent from family and friends. The two Programs and Resources are called "Taking Cara Babies" and "WeeSleep" and both have to be purchased, but are VERY helpful, detailed, and guarantee success and many who have used them will agree that they work! I just got lucky and had people share their accounts with me and maybe you can find someone to share with you too!
For us, we used some of their recommendations, but let Kelia also dictate what she needs to an extent other than how many naps she has a day and her daily bedtime and the nightly routine. The past 2 nights she's slept 7ish hours at a time, but gets up to feed then sleeps a bit more. I hope it gets better again soon. I fear it will be really good and then we are going out of town in another time zone which is sure to mess it up again UGH!
Her favorite place to sleep is, and will probably always be, on either me or my husband or in our arms somehow.
Don't get me wrong like most babies she does fall asleep in the car or stroller too but once it stops moving she wakes right up.
My Beliefs On Sleeping as a Parent
I like to tell myself that soon enough we will be back to all sleeping well again because at times hubby and I struggle to keep up with life so sleep deprived. However, the reality is, we will probably never sleep like we used to again. We now always have someone else we love so much that we will always worry about and I know there will be many times through out the rest of our lives that we will lose sleep over her regardless of her age. We will worry if she gets sick at any age or we are away from her for any reason. We will worry when she is out with friends late at night or when she's out on a date. We will worry if she is at an event without us, if she's out driving whether with friends, far away or at night. And this is just a short list of things to cause us to be anxious regarding her and thus causing us to lose sleep over. So I personally don't believe we will ever sleep as good as we did before we had her, but we will eventually sleep better than we do now when she is a little older.
For now this sounds about right....
I apologize in advance because I am a little more forgetful, I take longer to comprehend things at times, and I get frazzled easier and I know lack of sleep is usually to blame. I now drink coffee at times again or caffeine in some form and I still feel stupid usually. Life is all about keeping my new tiny human happy and healthy and safe and goodness it is tiring. But being a mom is a total gift and dream come true I wouldn't change for anything. I won't get discouraged or give up because I know it will get better even if our new normal will be different.
I leave you with this and I know many mom's can related because men....
And I am heading to sleep now while she sleeps. Hubby is playing hockey tonight and I know I will be up with her whenever she wakes to eat and get changed.
So do you think you will sleep again? The answer is yes, but a bit different than ever before.
-With Love,
Alana